Lies, Lies, Lies ...

Throughout my whole life, I’ve found myself somehow blessed (or cursed) to be fitted with a kind of innate lie detector. Yet the older I get, the more attuned it seems to be.

Every time I hear a lie – even if it’s a little white one - it’s almost as if a string of red lights start flashing at the back of my eyes and a stream of alarm bells, similar to those of Notre Dame, start ringing inside my head. My whole body starts to oscillate very subtly as if it’s on a frequency of its own.

Although I smile politely and say nothing - as if I believe every word I’m being told - I cringe to the very core of me. My teeth shudder and my bones feel that same eerie discomfort as they do when someone scrapes their fingers along a board of polystyrene.

In my younger years when I didn’t really know what I was dealing with, I use to find it very painful and uncomfortable; especially if the person telling the lie(s) was a loved one or a friend. Nowadays, although it’s still painful to an extent, I just accept it as a part of every day life.

Let’s face it, at some point we’ve all lied about something. We might have lied at a job interview just so we could land the job of our dreams. We might have lied on a first date just to make a good impression. We might have lied to our parents when we snuck out one day. We lie to ourselves all the time when we lead ourselves into false believes. The biggest lie of all is when we say: “We never lie.” We may not like to admit that we do or we may be so self-conceited that we convince ourselves that we don’t; but we all do at some point. It’s a natural part of being a human being. Of course, there are also compulsive liars out there who can no longer distinguish truth from fiction; but I’m not even going to go down that road here.

Even with the best intentions in the world of committing, from this day forward, to never lie again; at some point in the future, we will all lie about something whenever we believe the circumstances dictate that we should do so - even if it’s just to safeguard someone we love from something – Telling a lie for the greater good. I don’t have a problem with that kind of lie; even though technically it’s still a lie.

Personally, I don’t really condone the telling of lies. Yet, even though I cringe to the very bone, I move past them and accept people as they are. However, on the one hand, there are times when I do question if my silent acceptance of someone else’s lies makes me instrumental in their continuation to carrying on telling them. After all, we are all pawns in each others’ chess games. On the other hand, each and every one of us is solely responsible for ourselves.

What I find fascinating, is the motivation behind the act of telling a lie. It intrigues me. I find it contemporaneously amusing and sometimes very sad; amusing because motivations vary and sometimes border on the ridiculous; sad because it can quietly install a deep sense of distrust and insecurity between people, which can push people apart and be very difficult, or virtually impossible, to rebuild.

So just why do people tell lies? – Well, here are just a few of my suggestions, which I’m sure you can add a whole load more to:

To hide the truth of a situation
- Because telling the truth about a situation might hurt someone else.
- Because the person in question doesn’t really want to admit the reality of the situation to themselves; let alone to anyone else.
- Because the truth of a situation could be compromising for the person in question or other people around them;
- In matters of the heart, it could be because the person telling the lie is indecisive or a player who just wants to keep all their options open; to ensure the opposite sex never strays too far away from them.
- Because the truth of a situation may mean admitting defeat or failure to one’s self and/or to others.

To make an impression;
- To be liked by others;
- To land the dream job where an extra push is necessary;
- To be promoted at work where maybe a lack of “actual merit” is present;
- To be regarded/respected in some way to make up for something else lacking in another area of someone’s life. Or, for lack of sufficient self-belief that just being one’s self would be enough;

To protect
- Parents sometimes lie to their children to protect them from harm, i.e. the classic bogie man story.
- Children lie to parents about where they’ve been all night.
- Boyfriends/Husbands lie to Girlfriends/wives (and vice versa) about trespasses, illnesses, job situations, finances etc.

The lists could go on forever and I’m sure you could all come up with a whole range of categories. I‘ve just jotted these down off the top of my head.

As a Buddhist, I took a vow not to lie. Yet, oddly enough, there is an exception clause in the case of necessity for the greater good. However, for me that is a very grey area because what might be considered the greater good for one person may not necessarily be the greater good for another. Who can make that call?

When all is said and done, there are no guidelines in life for lies; not for telling them nor for being on the receiving end. We can only take responsibility for ourselves. Before we say something that isn’t true, we can only explore what is motivating us to be untrue, put our hand on our heart, listen to our conscience and see if we can truly live with what we are about to say.

by Venerina Conti
www.venerinaconti.com,

Where have all the good men gone?

I’ll see you in 6 months were the last parting words we said as we looked into each other’s eyes one last time; before we kissed and went our own separate ways at Dubai airport. I watched him as he walked off towards the boarding gate that took him back to Australia before I made my way back to the UK. It was the year 2000 and the last time I had a real relationship with anyone.

It was the first time since 1998, when I split up with my ex partner, that I’d brought myself to trust a man. My previous relationship had been on the rocks for some years. My ex partner and work colleague had slowly been on a downslide path to alcoholism and well, any woman who’s walked alongside someone on that track knows just what it entails; the fights, the anguish, the heartache and the violent streaks; not to mention the emotional and psychological blackmail.

My tall, dark, handsome, mysterious Australian beauty (as I use to call him) called me everyday while I was in the UK. He said he was coming. He never made it. His business took him everywhere around the globe except the UK. I got sent to China. He said he was coming there. He did make it there but only after I left. In fact, he made it to the UK after I left. His business had a way of keeping us apart all the time. I finally moved to Madeira. He told me to wait here. He told me he was coming. So, I did and I’m still here but then, the unthinkable happened. His business folded. He went bankrupt and stopped calling.

After waiting patiently for 3 years, then despairing, and then finally giving up, I met someone online who was such a great friend and such great company to be around. It seems though that I was only to be a friend in times of need; when disaster struck or when nothing better was going on. We’re still friends. I met an Italian Guy with whom I am still friends. I briefly dated a Tunisian guy who ended up spitting in my face and hitting me so hard I heard my back crack; and all because I asked him to hold me.

Then, I met another beautiful man online who captured my heart. After some time, we proposed to take things into the real world. He decided to come here and spend some time in my world. I made the decision to go and spend some time in his world and we agreed that if things worked out then we would take it that one step further and make a commitment to each other. Ten days, or so, before he was due to fly out here he went back to an ex girlfriend. That was Christmas 2006.

In the meantime, my Australian friend and I are back in touch but the trust I had in him has gone. He asked me to move to Australia but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. How could I trust a man who didn’t trust me to still love him when he went bankrupt? To my way of thinking, you don’t love someone because they have money. Many may, but that’s not what I’m about and I felt that he should have known that. Maybe I expected too much of him.

So, it’s now 2009. Somewhere between 2007 and now, I fell in love with another beautiful man who, coincidentally, I never even dated. Another “case closed” before it even started.

It’s very rare in this day and age, for me personally, to be able to say that I would trust my life in the hands of someone. Yet, it seems the very few that I would have trusted it with always end up breaking that trust in some way. I have to ask: “Do I have standards that are too high?” or “Is it because men just aren’t what they use to be?”

I have tonnes of male friends. In fact, I probably have more male friends than girl friends but no one special man in my life. I’ve put my personal life on hold since the year 2000. It’s been mine choice entirely and I don’t regret it, nor do I feel sorry for myself. I’ve dedicated my life to helping others since then and reaped rewards that no one man could have ever given me.

However, I’ve now decided to make that change in my personal life, and on the suggestion of an “eccentric” but adorable American personal coach friend of mine, I’m launching a worldwide campaign to find my one special man. I was told there are 6 million people out there, so it’s a question of trial and error. So, I’m going to try. They say: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”

For once, I’m taking my own advice; picking up the pieces and moving on. My grandmother use to say to me that if someone wants you, they’ll find you. I don’t think that’s true anymore. Times have changed. We live in a different world and different times. It seems that if we want something, sitting in the sidelines; waiting and hoping for the good ones to notice just isn’t enough anymore.

So, where are all the good men?

I’m a simple woman really – although I can be a minefield of complexity in my sometimes irrational but logical thinking. You just have to get to know me.

It’s the little things make me happy - your smile that lets me know you’re happy to see me. A please and thank you, a good morning and good night; a kind gesture, a thoughtful act, a walk in the park or through the forest. I don’t need you to buy me flowers but I do need some sign of appreciation every now and then. I don’t need gifts but I do need hugs to remind me that you care.

I don’t need you to call me or text me or email me every 5 minutes but a hello once a day would be nice to let me know you think about me because I’ll be thinking about you. I don’t need to see you every day, but it would be nice if you surprised me by showing up on my doorstep for a cup of tea once in a while.

I am a Buddhist, so please don’t try and convert me. Don’t be jealous of my friends. If you are that special man in my life, there will be only you for me. I will be faithful and you will always have my loyalty. However, please try and understand that you are only one person compared to the thousands I promised to help. So, please give me space to help them or help me to help them.

One last thing, I may run away from you but I won’t run after you. So if you know in your heart of hearts that you’re afraid to love whole heartedly it’ll never work. As a friend of mine once said about me; when I give, it’s 150%. So, think carefully before you contact me.

My heart’s been broken too many times. I’ve been disappointed and let down too many times. You don’t have to be perfect; just perfect in my eyes. I believe that if something is worth having, then it’s worth going all out for. Do you? Then show me! Actions speak louder than words.

By Venerina Conti (www.facebook.com/venerina)

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Where is justice?

1.2 million Tibetans dead. 125,000 counted in exile by the 1996 census. 2,500 seek asylum every year. Thousands suffer malnutrition, depression, anxiety and persecution syndrome. Thousands never see their home or their families ever again. Thousands die in exile because they never recover. Thousands die because the living conditions in exile aren’t adequate enough.

How many more have to die? How many more need to suffer before something is done? Where is human justice?

I’m not a political person. I never have been. Yet, I will stand up and be a voice when I think something needs to be heard.

The invasion and illegal annexation of Tibet began in 1949. You can read the full story here: http://www.tibet.com/whitepaper/white2.html

Since then, Tibetans have fled mainly to Nepal, India and Bhutan in search of asylum. Although, there are circa 9,000 refugees living in the United States, 8,000 living in Switzerland and a few thousand scattered throughout other parts of Europe and Canada. However, recent census figures are unavailable at this time. (Macalester College)

This year, I visited Nepal and was fortunate enough to spend a lot of time with several hundreds of Tibetan refugees. I even visited one of the Tibetan refugee camps just outside Pokhara. Believe me when I say, the Tibetan people are beautiful, kind, loving and peaceful people. They open their doors, their hearts and their homes to strangers. They have little or nothing to give and yet they give everything.

Despite their ordeal, they are not driven by vendetta, resentment or hatred. They are not motivated by capitalism or materialism. They pray for their enemy. In fact, despite the invasion of Tibet and the Chinese occupation, they don’t even consider China their enemy. During one of the retreats I took part in, I was told to pray for China. It was I, as a Westerner, who had to confront that part of me, which unlike them, was reluctant to forgive and forget. Tibetan people resolve matters with loving words, with prayers and with hope in their heart.

Although the Tibetan refugee camps are well organised with small handicraft factories, a prayer hall and basic living quarters for everyone; they are not really a place to call home.

The particular refugee camp I visited was founded in 1962 and yet the people who live there are still not officially recognised by the Nepalese government. To this day, most of the Tibetan people, living there, have no citizenship. They are no longer Tibetans because Tibet is now Chinese. They are not recognised by Nepal because they are asylum seekers. So, they belong to no country.

Citizenship would mean the possibility of a legal job. It would mean being able to travel backwards and forwards to Tibet and visit their family. Yet, it costs Tibetan refugees a tremendous amount of money to get a citizenship of Nepal. A monk friend of mine recently told me it was around 800 Sterling Pounds - if they're lucky enough to get one. Considering the monthly income is around 50 British Pounds – for some not even that - it’s an unthinkable amount of money to spend. So, they're forced to decide between living essentials or citizenship.

They mainly rely on the sales of handcraft items to survive. Monks and nuns don’t earn anything at all. They rely on the kindness and support of donations and sponsorship to survive; and the willingness of monasteries and nunneries to look after them.

During the low tourist season or during times of recession in Europe (like now) - people aren't spending much money - so many Tibetan families barely manage to make ends meet. This is something that I feel wouldn't necessarily happen if the Tibetan people were in their own country in "real" jobs - (whatever they may be defined as.)

While I was there, a Tibetan woman put all her pride aside and asked me for my clothes. She also asked if I had any sheets or other items I didn’t need. She wasn't a beggar. She was a beautiful, polite lady selling jewellery on the streets who was just trying to provide for her family in the best way any mother or grandmother would.

If a family member becomes ill, the medical bills put an enormous strain on the whole family’s total monthly expenditure.

We can say that poverty is everywhere in the world. I know this, but this is a poverty that could be avoided if the people of Tibet were allowed to have a place to belong to - a citizenship - an employment.

Worst of all, where is their voice? It seems that every time someone speaks of the Tibetan situation it’s pushed under the carpet. In fact, one day in Nepal, four of us went down to join a protest march for free Tibet. By the time we got there, everyone had been arrested and thrown in prison.

Now, President Obama is going to visit China and the Tibetan situation isn’t even on his agenda; despite his closeness to His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

What kind of human rights is that? Where's the freedom of expression? I believe everyone should be allowed to have a voice.

Like I said before, I am on the side of the people - not governments and politics. I believe in human beings and their rights to the basic human necessities of life.
So, I ask: “Where is justice?”

The New Personal Development Kaleidoscope E-book

The New Personal Development Kaleidoscope E-book

It’s finally here and it’s a must read!

The E-book I contributed towards and co-edited has finally been released, and is now available on the Internet.

For those of you who don't know, I volunteer for the Tara Stitchting Foundation,based in Holland, that works to provide help to the needy in India, Nepal and Tibet. We're currently working on 4 major projects.Sponsoring monks and nuns is only a part of what the foundation does. It also provides funding for building schools and bringing an education to the destitute; who would otherwise have no opportunities in life. It also helps to raise funds to provide food for those who have very little or none. I'm busy revamping the website at the moment but here's the old link and one of our latest videos:

http://www.tara-stichting.com

Kopan Nunnery Needs You!

Back from Nepal

It’s been a while I know… but I do have a good excuse. I spent 7 weeks away from modern technology. Now, although sometimes it was frustrating, most of the time it was absolute bliss!

Just for the record, I spent 6 weeks in what I can only describe as the magical, mystical and spiritual country of Nepal. The country and the people captured my heart.

I spent 5 weeks at Kopan Monastery on the outskirts of Kathmandu. More or less, 4 of those weeks were spent in retreat. One week was spent volunteering in the clinic in Kopan Nunnery. Finally, I spent 5 days in Lakeside near Pokhara, where I had the opportunity to visit a beautiful Tibetan family in Hengja refugee camp.

The whole trip was a heart wrenching and heart warming experience (to say the least.)

Never before has my heart and soul been opened so much in one singular place. Never before have I encountered so much warmth and love from so many beautiful people. I look at the amount of suffering and poverty in Nepal and yet, I see hope for the future.

Only 30% of the total population of Nepal is employed. Poverty is a common thing. People live below the poverty line. However, people who can help, give what they can; not with indifference or embarrassment but with the genuine desire to help. Whether it’s with a hand full of rice, a bottle of water or a few rupees; each person helps in their own way.

The army’s presence is strong; a reminder to us all of the restless times we live in. Yet, countless faceless, nameless people from both the East and the West spin Dharma wheels and pray in hope of peace.

The blind are led, the hungry are fed, the elderly and the unmarried are taken care of. The departed are remembered by communities who gather to commemorate. People come together to help people and not just in times of crisis.

Kopan Monastery, where I stayed, uses wisely the donations given to it in order to give refuge to numerous Tibetans who go unrecognised by the Nepali government, and who can no longer go home. Some monks haven’t seen their families, in Tibet, for over ten years.

They empower their nuns by offering them degrees in Philosophy. Nepali families who can’t afford to support their children send them to the nunnery or the monastery. Westerners come from all corners of the world to seek retreat.

Nobody is turned away. Everyone is welcome; regardless of race, colour, belief or background. You instantly feel the warmth and love when you see the sign on the entrance floor saying: “Welcome Home.”

If anyone wants to see the first batch of phootographs from my trip, they’re available at:

www.flickr.com/venerina or
www.facebook.com/venerina

2010 Calendars!

Well folks,

Those of you who know me well enough, know how much I love to dabble in photography. I don't consider myself any good at it but ... I have a good time trying and it's fun! Over the last few weeks a lot of you have nagged me about doing something worthwhile with my photos ... so ... I have ...

Three new 2010 calendars are ready and available online:

The Flower Collection:






The Sea-Scape







The Sunset Collection

Who am I? (Part 1)

Who am I? – It’s such a simple question.

Yet, most people have great difficulty answering it.

Most people reply to the question who am I? with the labels they have acquired throughout their lifetime.

They primarily identify themselves with the roles they play in relationship to others. They use definitions like: I’m a father. I’m a sister. I’m a mother. I’m John’s friend, I’m an uncle. I’m a wife.

They define themselves in accordance with the role they play in society; i.e. the job or vocation they have; I’m a writer. I’m a barman. I’m a secretary. I’m a fireman.

They describe their current status with phrases like: I’m unemployed. I have a job. I’m a student. I’m a stay at home mum. I’m a struggling artist. I’m successful, I’m poor and so on. They adhere to a cultural group by saying: I’m Italian, I’m British, I’m Arabic, I’m German, I’m Chinese and so on.

They may even go on to explain their environmental backgrounds by saying: I live in London. I live in Paris. I lived in the United States when I was younger. I spent a lot of time in the Middle East. I have travelled to Egypt and Cyprus or wherever. They define what religious or spiritual sect they belong to by saying I’m a Catholic, I’m Jewish, I’m a Muslim, I’m a Buddhist, I’m a spiritualist.

By listing items such as those mentioned above, people are consciously or subconsciously recognising how important these factors are in describing who they are. Yet, they are nothing more than labels.

Aside from these labels, people also use descriptive qualities to define themselves. They list characteristics of their personality like: I’m a happy person. I have a nervous disposition. I’m not assertive enough. I’m introvert. I’m extrovert. I’m very patient. They list physiological aspects of themselves such as: I’m unattractive. I’m overweight. I’m pretty. I’m tall. I’m short. I have long hair. I have green eyes.

They list their behavioural qualities like: I’m organised, I’m unorganised, I’m untidy and so on. They may even add what pleases them like: I enjoy walking. I collect stamps. I go to the beach every weekend. I like the sea. Similarly, they may express what displeases them like I hate the cold. I never go to the beach. I don’t like queuing.

Whatever descriptions and labels are used, they only define a person according to their beliefs about who they think they are.

These beliefs are based on years of accumulated experiences and learning, environmental and societal influences. They come from an accepted understanding of the individuals’ capabilities, limitations, likes and dislikes.

Yet, most of the time, these beliefs are the product of how we think we are or how we think others see us.


(Extracted from: The Power to Heal is Yours - Be your best friend, not your worst enemy - A Practical Guide to Self-Transformation by Venerina Conti)
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Rose Quartz

Hello everyone and welcome to my new posts on Holistic Health. I have received so many enquiries about gemstones, oils and Holistic home remedies, I decided to start writing about them here.

As some of you may know, I am in the process of writing a book about crystals and oils and how they can be used safely in the home. However, it may be a while before it’s fully finished as my time has to be shared elsewhere.

I will use this space to introduce you to a wide variety of crystals and oils, their uses and purposes, where you can find them and how to maintain them. I hope you find this information to be helpful and if you have any questions, you know you can email me.

The first crystal I want to introduce you to is Rose Quartz. It’s one of my personal favourites. As the name suggests, Rose Quartz is a delicate rose/pink colour. However, there are varieties available that can be slightly darker or lighter shades of pink. It depends on where the gemstone comes from, how it was farmed etc.

Rose Quartz is a beautiful stone. It derives from Brazil, the USA and certain areas of India. It is associated with the heart chakra and signifies unconditional love.

In healing, Rose Quartz is used to release pain and let it go. By thus doing, it soothes emotional and physical stress. It clears away anger and brings inner peace to the user. It can be worn as jewellery. In fact, there are many items such as necklaces, bracelet and earrings made with Rose Quartz.

If you keep a piece of Rose Quartz by the bed, it can help to promote better sleep. Alternatively, you an keep a piece of Rose Quartz somewhere around the home to bring peace and well-being to your environment.

Our partners, VC Designs also make hanging angels with Rose Quartz, which can be hung on windows, over cribs or on a Christmas tree. They re very delicate and very beautiful to look at. They also make nice, affordable gifts to give your friends.

Rose Quartz properties

Colour - Rose

Predominant Chakra - The Heart

Benefits:

• Opens the heart at all levels to unconditional love and infinite peace
• Teaches the true essence of love
• Deep inner healing and self love
• Restores trust and harmony
• Calming, reassuring and good for use in trauma or crisis
• Strengthens empathy and sensitivity
• Aids acceptance of necessary change
• Good for mid life crisis
• Enhances positive affirmations
• Finest healer
• Soothes pain and heals deprivation
• Comforts your grief
• Teaches you to love yourself
• Balances Ying/Yang
• Soothes burns and blistering
• Smoothes the complexion
• Soothes burns

Organs/Systems

• Strengthens the physical heart
• Circulatory systems
• Chest and lungs
• Heals the kidneys and adrenals
• Increases fertility
• Helpful in Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and senile dementia

If you want a truly peaceful experience, try meditating with this crystal. Your Rose Quartz crystal can be cleansed by running under water until you feel in your inner self that it is free from all outside influences. Place it in direct sunlight to let it dry and re-charge. You can leave it there for a couple of hours.

To purchase one of the VCDesigns Rose Quartz Angels, please send an email to:
info@vcdesigns.net

Free Tibet Skype Group

The Olympics are about to begin. Please join me in an online discussion forum for the Free Tibet Campaign.

Free Tibet hosted by venerinac.

Join now

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Chat about what's on your mind. More about public chats.

Psychology of Reincarnation and Past Life Memories

In Eastern philosophy, reincarnation is a concept as old as time. According to spiritual/religious beliefs such as Hinduism, Buddhism and Taoism, the soul returns to the physical plane over many lifetimes. It is a necessary part of learning the ancient wisdom and making old wrongs right.

In Western culture, Edgar Cayce was one of the first people to introduce this concept back in the 1950s. Throughout several of his readings, he says that the main purpose of the soul is to learn and grow. Thus doing, it earns its rightful place next to Creator.

Much research has and is being carried out globally to find evidence for and against reincarnation. Popular culture is flooded with books that debate both the believers’ and the sceptics’ points of view. Believers rely on their faith and trust their intuition. Sceptics demand tangible scientific proof.

Regardless of opinion, though, some questions receive little attention. For example: What, if anything, is there to be gained by having memories from previous lives? How can these memories affect a current life and the people in it? What are the psychological repercussions of remembering being someone else in another place and time?

Whether we choose to believe or not, there is a group of people for whom memories of past lives are very real. They are known as the Druze (or Druse); followers of the spiritual faith of El-Mowahideen El-Druze. There is speculation that the Druse faith originated in Egypt about 1000 years ago.

According to the Druze organisation there are almost one million followers worldwide. Many live in Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, certain parts of India and Egypt. Many others now live in Western societies. (www.druzenet.org/dnenglish.html)

Although the basic religious beliefs of the Druze find their origins in Islam, their faith is very different. In fact, these differences have been the cause of religious wars in regions such as the Gaza strip. They also played a part in the civil war in Lebanon.

The Druze believe their spiritual leader, El-Mowahideen El-Druze, was the reincarnation of God. They also believe strongly in the efforts of man and his actions. Their core philosophy is that a soul will return to earth many lifetimes in order to grow. They believe it has done so since the beginning of time and it will carry on doing so until the end of time. It is no wonder that most reported cases of reincarnation are Druze.

During his (almost) 40 year career, investigating reincarnation, Dr Ian Stevenson travelled throughout Lebanon and India documenting cases of past life memories. He interviewed thousands of Druze children, their family members, friends and neighbours. He also carried out follow-up interviews to see how memories of past lives affected adult life. However, there is not enough research on the current psychological effects of past life memories.

Over twenty cases from his 1998 trip to Lebanon and India are documented in Tom Shroder’s book Old Souls. There is also mention of a few cases investigated in parts of the United States of America.

The first person to bring public awareness to the effects of past lives, on the current life psyche, was Dr. Brian Weiss. In 1988 he published: Many Lives, Many Masters, which spoke of his patient Catherine. She comes to him because she is seeking a cure for her fears of water and choking, dieing and airplanes.

Initially, he believes these fears come from somewhere in Catherine’s childhood. So, they both agree that hypnotherapy (or hypnotic regression) is the best method for her to remember.

During regressive hypnotherapy a person is guided into a deep state of relaxation and/or trance by way of hypnosis. In theory by entering this state, the conscious mind, which is responsible for processing information, can be by-passed. Thus, the sub-conscious mind can be accessed. This is the part of our mind where information is stored that we are not fully aware of; including memories. Sometimes, we choose to block them out because they are too painful. Dealing with them openly could cause trauma and great amounts of discomfort. So, this process is really a mechanism for our own self-defence.

The general idea behind hypnotherapy is to bring painful events from the past into awareness. Thus, a person becomes free to face them, deal with them and let go of them. Inner healing begins by acknowledging a problem and finding the root of its cause.

Catherine undergoes several hypnotherapy sessions with Dr. Weiss. He tries to get her to remember anything from her childhood that may shed light on her fears. Nothing comes to the surface. They are no further forward. Then one day, Weiss gives her a different type of hypnotic suggestion. He asks her to remember the first ever memory that she feels is the cause. Thus, Catherine starts to talk about her previous lives.

As the memories unfold, Weiss discovers that her fear of water comes from drowning in another life. Her fear of airplanes comes from being a male soldier in the Second World War. Over a period of time, he finds that every current fear of hers is rooted in an event from a former lifetime.

They begin to see progress. The more hypnotherapy sessions she has, the more Catherine begins to let go of her fears. One by one they disappear completely from her current state of being. However, she becomes a little disturbed by the fact that she is talking about past lives. Reincarnation is not a word that is in her vocabulary since it challenges her beliefs. Dr. Weiss has to convince her, a great deal, to continue the sessions.

As far as I am aware, there is no follow-up research available to say how Catherine’s psyche was affected by her experience. Her fears were cured but has her life changed as a result? Has she suffered any form of identity crisis? Has she replaced one psychological challenge with another? These are all questions that remain unanswered.

What about other people who remember past lives? Is everyone affected the same way? Not according to Stevenson’s Druze cases presented by Shroder. In fact, there is a mixture of reactions. Each individual deals with their experience in a different way. Some live as if they have lost everything and never quite recover. Some are indifferent to their past life and some gain more than they had before.

The latter is the case with Daniel. As a child, he remembered being in a fatal car accident when he lived as a young man called Rashid. At a very early age, he started speaking of this unfortunate event.

He remembered names, faces, his previous mother, his family members and so on. He accused his current mother of not being his mother; his family of not being his real family. He would insist on being taken back to his family.

Even if reincarnation is part of everyday life for the Druze, the child’s frustration and the family’s hurt is obvious. A mother is always a mother. It is natural that she would be hurt when her own flesh and blood rejects her.

In Western society such claims would be dismissed and the child considered hurtful or a little strange. This was the case with an acquaintance of Shroder in the United States. Since reincarnation is not readily accepted among Westerners, only a few cases are reported and followed up. When they are, it is generally because the family keep an open mind. In some cases, what the child says is too coincidental to ignore.

His mother says that, as a child, Daniel didn’t like getting in the car. Also, that he would scream and cry every time they drove past the scene of the accident.

As a man, Daniel tells us that he likes cars but he still has a fear of fast driving. He, also, still has a fear of the place where the accident happened. Thus, it is apparent that simply talking about traumas, from past lives, is not enough to make fears disappear. At least not in every case as Weiss would have us believe.

With Daniel, nothing begins to heal the situation until his family meet Rashid’s. From that point on life improves for all the people involved. Both families find support and friendship in one another. Everyone is happy especially Rashid’s parents. Their grief is eased because they have a part of their son back. Daniel finds himself with two support systems he can turn to. He has two families that love him very much. He has his friends from the past and his friends from the present.

In the next two cases, presented here, about Suzanne and Itidal, things are quite the opposite. The one thing they all share in common is the conviction of who they were before. For better or for worse, the feelings and emotions of their past lives are very real to them.

It is not a question of having a vague memory of being someone else. Nor is it about having residual fears that come from somewhere unknown as with Catherine. It is about being born as the same person in a different body, a different environment and in a different family.

Psychiatrist Jim Tucker, among many, explains this as a transfer of one person’s personality into another. However, nobody knows exactly what a personality is. Just as nobody knows what a soul is. Thus, it is not possible to explain how either one can go from one body to another.

As a child, Suzanne always said she was Hanan, wife of Farouk and mother of three. Like Daniel, she accuses her parents of not being her real parents. She keeps saying she needs to be with her husband and children. As young as six months of age, she tried phoning Hanan’s daughter Leila. It was later discovered that she had one digit wrong in the number.

When she meets with her previous family, she is still very much in love with her husband. She speaks to her daughters as a mother would even though she is a child herself. When she discovers her husband has remarried, her emotions and feelings become those of a jealous woman. Growing up, these feelings do not change nor do they disappear.

There is distress all round. Hanan’s daughters refuse to speak to her anymore because they cannot accept the return of their mother in a little girl. Her husband breaks all ties with Suzanne because of feelings of pain and, to an extent, guilt. Suzanne’s life is not moving forward because she is living in Hanan’s past. Even now, as a young woman, she cries for her daughters and her husband. Having everything, losing it all, re-finding it and not being able to have it (or be close to it) has grave psychological effects.

In contrast to Daniel, all Suzanne has gained from her experience is a life of sadness. Her family worry about her welfare. Aside from supporting her, there is little more anyone can do to help her through it.

Another point worth noting is, at six months, Suzanne/Hanan clearly shows no concept of her physical and psychological age. Her behaviour is similar to a conscious adult held back by the limiting abilities of her physical age.

This is not the first case where this appears. Another infant called Joseph insisted his mother buy him size 8 shoes. She tells him they will be too big but he refuses to believe it until he tries them on. In another case, Robert can speak and string whole sentences together by the age of 6 months.

These factors challenge conventional psychological thinking. Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud was the first to propose that infants, as young as six months, are only capable of satisfying their biological needs. They have no consciousness comparable to adults, who develop a personality while growing up.

Carl Jung proposed that infants are born with instinctual patterns of behaviour and perception, which come from a collective unconscious. Thus, a baby instinctively knows how to get attention, when and how to cry for food etc. because we all have it in us.

Jean Piaget proposed that infants only begin to put together purposeful actions by the age of 2 years. Up until that time, he believes they only understand the world through their perception of it. They learn by way of trial and error of their actions.

These children are clearly outside what is considered a normal child development model. Unfortunately, I could not find any model for them or any further psychological research about their development. Future investigation in this area would prove to be beneficial. Not just for the children who claim to be reincarnated. It would help us come closer to understanding why some children develop quicker than others. Another unanswered question is: Could undetected cases of reincarnation be responsible for the child geniuses in the world?

In Itidal’s case, she claims she was Salma, a woman shot by her drunken husband. She remembers working very hard to support her several children. Some memories are a little unclear but the emotions are very real. She comes across as fearful, melancholic and resigned.

In her current life, she is mother to one son and divorced. Her husband forcefully took custody of their son. Contrary to tradition, he also denies her motherly visiting rights. She blames her previous life for her current life events. Throughout her interview, she constantly compares Salma’s life to her own. She shows no hope for the future. It is as if she believes she is pre-destined to have this life so she cannot expect anything better.

As with Suzanne, it is evident that support systems alone are not enough to help Itidal recover from her experience. Edgar Cayce claims that faith in the Creator is enough to overcome anything and everything. In these cases faith is obviously not enough.

Science refuses to accept that reincarnation is real. Thus, there are no professional conventional support models available to these children/adults. Transpersonal and Holistic psychology allows an individual the safety to talk about memories of past lives. Yet, it fails to offer cross-cultural healing models. Even though each individual is taken as a unique case there are no real guidelines available.

Transpersonal Psychology is still a relatively new realm in Europe, let alone the Middle East. Having travelled extensively throughout Arabic regions, and worked with many Druze, I know that among the majority it is still unheard of.

It is hard enough in Western culture to break through traditional beliefs that only conventional science is right. In areas of political sensitivity, it is even harder still to break through the barriers of prejudice. Religious/spiritual, geographical socio-economical and cultural factors play a big part in communication and understanding.

Globally, when we learn, as Edgar Cayce says, that we are all essentially the same essence; When we put aside our differences and work together; When we stop seeking to only answer the question: Does reincarnation exist or not?; and when egos stop getting in the way; Only then will we find a way to help these children through their experiences.

Farewell and thank you

Dear friends and listeners,

It is with regret that today I have to break the news that, due to my life commitments and external circumstances, I am no longer able to collaborate with Real Coaching Radio and Coach Steve Toth as Co-Host of the International Mind, Body and Soul show.

This is a year of major change for me. For starters, I have now entered the countdown phase of leaving my adopted home and beautiful island of tranquility (Madeira) in exchange for opening the Holistic Retreat in Sicily. The move requires a lot of planning and a lot of trips off the island, since I have belongings here and in the UK that need to be packed and shipped. The logistics are already taking their toll.

In addition to this, I am focusing a lot of time and energy in promoting the retreat, as you can all appreciate, it is hard enough to get an Internet business running let alone how very time consuming it is to get a new physical business off the ground and there are some areas of the development that are going through the construction phase, which requires my presence. (More trips off the island).

As if this wasn’t enough, I am still in the phase of finishing writing my books and my Masters Degree. For the latter, I have to start writing my Thesis, which is also in book format. The research alone requires enormous amounts of my time.

I have very much enjoyed my time spent at Real Coaching Radio and thank Coach Steve for letting me run riot in his show. My thanks to my friends at TGAMM as well for their support.

Christmas Special

On Thursday 27th December, Host Coach Steve Toth and myself Co-Host Drª Venerina Conti broadcast a special holiday season show of the International Mind, Body and Soul Show on Real Coaching Radio.

The topic of conversation was the festive season.

One of the points raised was how Christmas, having lost its true meaning nowadays, has become an extraordinarily beneficial time for trade and commerce as people try to outspend each other. It is the one time of year when people will often get themselves into so much debt, they might pass the next 6 months to a year paying that debt off.

With starvation reaching all times highs in the world, have you ever stopped to think about just how much money is overspent “haphazardly” at Christmas and New Year? How much of that is on food? And, out of all that purchased food, how much is thrown away? How much is actually wasted? Have you ever stopped to wonder how many billions of tons of food are wasted every year over the three day period of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day?

Real Coaching Radio is launching a campaign to combat hunger. Find out how by tuning into our show and check out the information on our website: http://www.realcoachingradio.com/

Another holiday favourite that was mentioned during the conversation was stress. People stress themselves out in so many different ways over Christmas and New Year because they feel so many diverse types of pressures coming at them from all around. There’s the pressure to be something someone’s not; there’s the pressure to live up to others’ expectations; there’s the pressure of acceptance, compliance and so forth and so on. Of course, for some, this time of year may be when they feel the pressure of being most alone in the world with no-one to share with.

Why should we work ourselves up into such a frenzy for the sake of a couple of days a year?

Stress is one of the biggest causes of all kinds of depressions at this time of year. It can even reach levels that prove dangerous for the body. Stress can be a killer. So, how can you beat the holidays blues? The stress? The sadness? How can you be less alone at this time of year?

Christmas is meant to be a time of compassion, love and brotherhood; a time when kindness, smiles, warmth and hugs should be abundant. But why should this one day a year be the excuse people need to remember to employ these qualities. Or do they employ them?

It seems to me that … we’ve forgotten something very valuable along the way.

Have a peaceful, joyous and love filled New Year and may these feelings persist throughout the whole of 2008.
Namaste

Venerina
http://www.villavalview.com/