I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I know what you’re going through. The pain you’re feeling right now is the same pain I’ve felt. I’ve been where you are and I’ve felt the deepest sorrow a human being can feel. The only thing worse than losing a loved one is losing a loved one to cancer at a very tender age.
I know how empty you feel right now and how the world makes no sense any more. I know that feeling of being dead inside as if someone ripped your heart out and left you numb. I know how it feels to be plodding along aimlessly through life without really being present.
I lost a lifelong friend to cancer before she made it to the age of 34. She struggled for two long, hard, years with cancer before her frail body gave up the fight. I watched her decline from the vibrant human being she was to a bed ridden shell of her former self.
All I could do was standby and watch as the disease slowly took all the life out of her. I felt helpless. I didn’t want to lose her but I didn’t know how to save her and after she departed this world to start the next phase of her journey, I felt guilt. I felt like I should have done more for her. I kept questioning whether I did everything I could have possibly done and I beat myself up over it every day for three years following her passing.
I couldn’t and wouldn’t accept the inevitable of her condition and hindsight is a wonderful thing. There was nothing I could do for her except be there for her and love her the way I always had. I know now that I couldn’t have saved her. Unfortunately, I don’t get to decide who lives and who dies.
I know, that like me, you’re going through the mourning process and it will take time to heal. You should take all the time you need. Everyone mourns in their own way and for as long as they need to but, I want you to remember one thing. Love is all that really matters.
Your loved one, just like mine, wouldn’t want you to suffer the pain you’re feeling. I’m sure they’d want you to live your life and make the most of every precious moment.
It’s taken me a long time to realize that life is about cycles and death doesn’t mean the end. It’s just another cycle and within life itself, from the moment we’re born, every hello must end in goodbye. The only thing that keeps us bound, throughout all cycles, is our love for one another. Every moment we share together and every memory we create is a precious gift to be treasured and looked back upon with the same love and happiness we felt at the time of creation.
With every encounter, our lives are enriched. We all touch each other in some way and we learn from one another. Instead of mourning our loss, we should celebrate what we have gained. We are all very fortunate to share our lives with one another in whatever capacity and we are all blessed to know love and share it with others.
I know that, right now, this letter is probably of no real consolation to you but one day you will see the world, once again, as a beautiful place. One day, you’ll feel your loved one, once again, smiling at you from wherever they are and, once again, you’ll start living in the knowledge that only love matters.