Thursday, 13 December 2007

Self Sabotage

On Thursday 6th December, Host Coach Steve Toth and myself Co-Host Dr Venerina Conti, of the Mind, Body and Soul show on the Real Coaching Radio Network, discussed the topic of self sabotage.

What is self sabotage? How does it hold us back? How does it make us our own worst enemy?

Self sabotage happens when we impede ourselves from doing something that we would like to do, or ought to be doing, by letting everything around us get in the way. For example, if we dream of becoming a great painter, so we could establish ourselves in the Artists’ world and maybe have our own exhibitions, painting something every day would help us to improve our skills.

However, if we allowed everything else to get in the way like: being too tired, not having enough time or whatever excuse we choose to use, then we are acting in a way that sabotages our hopes, wishes and dreams, which eventually we will give up on. We have nobody to blame but ourselves. Time does not just occur. Time needs to be created.

We have willingly diverted our attention and focus away from what is important to us. We have made up excuses and found every reason not to be doing what we would like to be doing. But are there underlying reasons for this behaviour? Does self-sabotage go deeper than we imagine? Where exactly is it rooted?

Self-sabotage starts with internal dialogues. Think about this. We are the one person we talk to all day long, ever day, and we are the one and only person we will know all our lives, so why then do we choose to talk to ourselves in such a negative way? Why do we convince ourselves that we are not good enough? Why do we talk ourselves into states of insecurity and destroy our own self-confidence.

If your best friend came to you and asked for your advice, you would show them support and offer them encouragement. So why is it so hard to be your own best friend? Are you not the most important person in your life? If you are not, then you should be because if you are not feeling well and are not capable of taking good care of yourself, then how can you possibly make others feel good or even look after them?

So, how do you talk to yourself all day long? Think about what words you choose to use in your internal dialogues? How do you transmit your being to the world around you?

Rather than focusing on the negative, think about all the good qualities you have. Feel grateful for all the good things you have achieved. Doing a little is better than doing nothing. If you doing something then you can never fail. Be realistic when you set yourself goals. Take one step at a time and do not expect to conquer Rome in one day. Disappointment and self sabotage also come from expecting too much of one’s self.

Keep a journal, (for your eyes only), where you can write everything down. Show gratitude for what you have. Clearly express in writing what you would like to have and achieve.

Learn to appreciate yourself. How? … Listen in to the exercise Coach Steve Toth and DrÂȘ Venerina Conti did, live on air. It takes one minute to change how you feel about yourself and who you will become in the future. Tune into the Mind, Body and Soul Show every Thursday at 8am MST, 3pm GMT.

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