Ignorance is an ugly thing. It's like a big black stain on a beautiful white gown. It's that permanent blackhead on the end of our nose that comes in many shapes and sizes and just keeps growing; the less we open our minds.
When I talk about ignorance, I'm not just talking about rudeness. I'm talking about all the negative qualities that impede us from being positively and potentially the best we can be; especially with regards to others.
In today's article, I'm talking about arrogance, inflexible mental attitudes, false beliefs and this innate desire we have to make others look wrong. In doing the latter, we are guilty of a sin far worse than trying to belittle someone, which we have a tendency to do to hide our own shortcomings, we are actually planting seeds that potentially make other people feel insecure about who they are, what they do and what they know.
Worst of all, we insist to the point of trying to convert someone to our way of thinking by resorting to quoting unreliable leads, misinterpreted information and speculative and/or somewhat dubious facts. We resort to any tactic possible in the name of attempting to show we have superior knowledge; even when we don't.
Worst of all, and ironically so, most of the time we are perfectly conscious of what we are doing. And, we all know it's not what we say but it's the way we say it. We could make the most outrageously absurd statement in the whole wide world, but if we said it with conviction, proper stance, confidence and good posture; nine times out of ten we'd probably get away with it.
Have you ever closely watched someone who wants to be right? Have you ever noticed how someone behaves when they know their back is up against the wall? Have you ever stopped to analyse your own behaviour when you want to win an argument or when you're feeling insecure about something and become a little more agressive than usual?
We've all done it at some point in our lives. It's a part of human nature; only some people eventually learn to control it and others never do.
If we are face to face with the offender of our intellect, we adopt a more authoritative position. We plant our feet firmly on the ground, stand tall, stick our chests out, and as if we were some kind of peacock, we start ruffling our feathers in preparation for the "blurt" about to exit our mouths.
Naturally, the other person takes the same stand right back at us and nothing is ever won. In fact, most of the time any discordance led down this path leads to arguments, bickering and in some cases physical violence.
If we are not face to face with the offender of our knowledge, then, in this day of the information super highway, we cltch at straws by sending emails full of links that could potentially back up our claims. Problem is, most of the time when we send an email along those lines, we ourselves might not have even read the articles we're quoting. We just copy/pasted them in a hurry to reach the "being right" finish line.
So, now, the situation begins to border on the ridiculous; especially if the perpertrator quotes the articles back at us in their favour. And, so this wonderful heated email argument flares up and so much good positive energy, and time, is wasted on finding and sending links backwards and forewards.
Of course, the best part about arguing online with someone is the delete button in the email inbox. Yet, as if drawn by some magnetic force our self centred ego and our desire to reach that "right" finish line won't allow us to just hit delete without first having a sneak preview of the email's contents.
Whatever happened to: "We agree to disagree"? Whatever became of: "Maybe I am wrong and I should look into it properly before I reply?" What does it matter who is right or wrong? Is there ever a true right or wrong? Most importantly, whatever happened to a little humility?
All of you out there who have ever eaten humble pie and learnt from it, I take a bow in your presence. I honour you, I really do. It takes a much bigger person to back down of any situation and admit their mistakes, faults or even lack of knowledge than it does for someone to fire back; when confronted. It also takes a much bigger person to remain silent when they know they are right.
It's easy to blab. We open our mouths and our thoughts come out. All we have to do is open our mouths and words come out. Most of the time, we have a tendency to say the first thing that comes into our mind. What's not so easy is to "control" the blab we vocally emit and use selective blabbing.
If someone undermines us or tries to belittle us, instinctively, in the heat of the moment, our first reaction is to lash right back; especially when we know we are right. But, what if we were to just remain silent? What if we didn't add fuel to the already stirring fire? What if we just turned our backs and walked away very politely without further engaging in the dispute?
Similarly, if we've allowed ourselves to enter into an argument with someone, what if we just learn to consciously recognise what we're doing and stop ourselves mid tracks. In Buddhism it is said that we need to be mindful or our thoughts, actions and words. I agree. The world doesn't collapse just because we're the ones to back down. Disaster doesn't strike if we walk away leaving another person thinking they are right; even when perhaps we know they're not. Yet, disaster will surely strike when two people enter a heated confrontation.
Being a bit more humble, and backing down, doesn't mean we're allowing people to walk all over us. It just means we avoid unnecessarily hurting someone else for the sake of our ego. We all learn our lessons in life. Some sooner, some later. It's not up to us to decide when someone will learn.
The Master appears when the student is ready.
All that remains to be seen is whether the student recognises the lessons in front of him or her.
Wednesday 13 April 2011
Wednesday 23 February 2011
SPA Breaks in Madeira
Dorisol Spa and Dorisol Hotels are doing it again ... by popular request!!!!
New Holiday Promotion valid until December.
- Long Weekend Spa Breaks, just 274€ per person (half board!)
- Week Long Spa Holiday Breaks - just 399€ per person (half board!)
Excluding Flights.
PLUS A Full Body Aroma Massage (or an Arabic Style Hammam) PLUS A Walker's Paradise (Luxury Foot Pamper) (or a Rose Quartz Body Clay Wrap) + TWO HALF hour sessions on our toning tables AND we'll give you a FREE Mini Facial. PLUS full use of our swimming pools, sauna, jacuzzi and gym!
PLUS if you feel up to it you can join in with our other hotel activities FREE!!!
Don't miss out!!!
Relax and let your senses be pampered on our Paradise Island.
Contact our Spa today: dorisolspa@dorisol.pt or dorisolspa@gmail.com
Or call us on: 00351 291 706600 Ext. 4325
New Holiday Promotion valid until December.
- Long Weekend Spa Breaks, just 274€ per person (half board!)
- Week Long Spa Holiday Breaks - just 399€ per person (half board!)
Excluding Flights.
PLUS A Full Body Aroma Massage (or an Arabic Style Hammam) PLUS A Walker's Paradise (Luxury Foot Pamper) (or a Rose Quartz Body Clay Wrap) + TWO HALF hour sessions on our toning tables AND we'll give you a FREE Mini Facial. PLUS full use of our swimming pools, sauna, jacuzzi and gym!
PLUS if you feel up to it you can join in with our other hotel activities FREE!!!
Don't miss out!!!
Relax and let your senses be pampered on our Paradise Island.
Contact our Spa today: dorisolspa@dorisol.pt or dorisolspa@gmail.com
Or call us on: 00351 291 706600 Ext. 4325
Sunday 13 February 2011
Sunday 19 December 2010
Don't shout!
Often in life people shout at others for no apparent reason what so ever other than their own insecurities and frustrations. These could be anything from feelings of low self-esteem: “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never make it” and so on; to a lack of a sense of personal and professional achievement and job satisfaction.
It can be particularly frustrating when both our professional and personal life are out of balance or when we feel others collide too much with our world.
I think we all take our frustrations out on someone near and dear to us at some point in life. We basically use someone else as an emotional punching bag. The sad thing is that most of the time, we don’t even know we’re doing it.
It’s only when we’re on the receiving end or when we take a step back and reflect on our behaviour, that we realise how it feels. By then the damage is done though.
Instead of getting to the point where we lash out at an innocent bystander in our life, we should analyse ourselves, what we think our shortcomings are and our behavioral responses.
First of all, we should learn to worry less about what people think about us. We don’t need to validate who we are in comparison to others. Everyone on this planet is an individual human being with a personality and character of their own. It's not always necessary to fit in. After all, if we were all the same there would be no diversity and, quite frankly, I think the world would be a boring place.
There are people in this world who are different, they don’t conform to social norm expectations and I believe they should remain different. Their differences are what separate them from generality and the masses. Also, there is no right or wrong way to be. The point of life is to be happy and that includes being comfortable with all our differences in comparison to others.
I’m also a great believer that people should worry less about what they call their
shortcomings and what they think they have, or do not have, to offer. As long as someone is alive, they certainly have something to offer. Perhaps, a shift in perspective is needed in order to appreciate one’s own qualities rather than one’s material possessions. This is where self-esteem and self-respect come into play.
Another fundamental issue to remember is that everything happens for a reason. So, whatever is happening in one’s life right now is there for a purpose. We just need to learn to see the purpose. We need to be able to appreciate the learning opportunity every challenge provides us with. We need to learn that lesson as quickly as possible and move on.
Most importantly, we need to learn to let go more. We need to let it all go; all the baggage and resentment from the past serves no purpose in our memories; except occupying good space that could be filled with positive change and an optimistic outlook towards the future. We need to keep moving forward with your eyes a little more open; our minds a little wiser and hearts filled with peace.
Nothing that we consider bad happens for a bad reason, but we need to see the positive side instead of persistently focusing on the negative aspects.
We need to forgive ourselves and others for whatever has gone before, and let go of the past. Built up guilt, anger, resentment and dare I say jealousy are all negative
qualities that hold us back in life. Generally, they spring from things we've done that we're not proud of or that we’re ashamed of. Instead of accepting them as an integrated part of who we are and regarding them as another opportunity to know and love ourselves; flaws included, we turn against ourselves.
We start a cycle of self-loathing and self-depreciation, which in turn, over a long period of time, turns into lack of self-esteem and lack of self-respect. We become our own worst enemy. We no longer have a good relationship with ourselves nor with others. Hence, from there on in, we begin to think that life is taking a downhill slide and that everything is going wrong. It’s not life though. It’s our attitude towards it.
Life and it’s journey are not consistent by nature. They are subject to change and many unstable factors. It may seem that it doesn’t always go the way we want it to, but the one thing we can do, is make it the way we want it to be. It takes determination, a series of choices, motivation, time, effort and the input and interconnection with others and the world around us.
So, before you shout at someone you hold dear. Stop yourself and analyse why you’re doing it. Is it really their fault or are you trying to compensate for something missing within yourself?
May you always have peace and love in your life. God Bless you all.
Venerina
It can be particularly frustrating when both our professional and personal life are out of balance or when we feel others collide too much with our world.
I think we all take our frustrations out on someone near and dear to us at some point in life. We basically use someone else as an emotional punching bag. The sad thing is that most of the time, we don’t even know we’re doing it.
It’s only when we’re on the receiving end or when we take a step back and reflect on our behaviour, that we realise how it feels. By then the damage is done though.
Instead of getting to the point where we lash out at an innocent bystander in our life, we should analyse ourselves, what we think our shortcomings are and our behavioral responses.
First of all, we should learn to worry less about what people think about us. We don’t need to validate who we are in comparison to others. Everyone on this planet is an individual human being with a personality and character of their own. It's not always necessary to fit in. After all, if we were all the same there would be no diversity and, quite frankly, I think the world would be a boring place.
There are people in this world who are different, they don’t conform to social norm expectations and I believe they should remain different. Their differences are what separate them from generality and the masses. Also, there is no right or wrong way to be. The point of life is to be happy and that includes being comfortable with all our differences in comparison to others.
I’m also a great believer that people should worry less about what they call their
shortcomings and what they think they have, or do not have, to offer. As long as someone is alive, they certainly have something to offer. Perhaps, a shift in perspective is needed in order to appreciate one’s own qualities rather than one’s material possessions. This is where self-esteem and self-respect come into play.
Another fundamental issue to remember is that everything happens for a reason. So, whatever is happening in one’s life right now is there for a purpose. We just need to learn to see the purpose. We need to be able to appreciate the learning opportunity every challenge provides us with. We need to learn that lesson as quickly as possible and move on.
Most importantly, we need to learn to let go more. We need to let it all go; all the baggage and resentment from the past serves no purpose in our memories; except occupying good space that could be filled with positive change and an optimistic outlook towards the future. We need to keep moving forward with your eyes a little more open; our minds a little wiser and hearts filled with peace.
Nothing that we consider bad happens for a bad reason, but we need to see the positive side instead of persistently focusing on the negative aspects.
We need to forgive ourselves and others for whatever has gone before, and let go of the past. Built up guilt, anger, resentment and dare I say jealousy are all negative
qualities that hold us back in life. Generally, they spring from things we've done that we're not proud of or that we’re ashamed of. Instead of accepting them as an integrated part of who we are and regarding them as another opportunity to know and love ourselves; flaws included, we turn against ourselves.
We start a cycle of self-loathing and self-depreciation, which in turn, over a long period of time, turns into lack of self-esteem and lack of self-respect. We become our own worst enemy. We no longer have a good relationship with ourselves nor with others. Hence, from there on in, we begin to think that life is taking a downhill slide and that everything is going wrong. It’s not life though. It’s our attitude towards it.
Life and it’s journey are not consistent by nature. They are subject to change and many unstable factors. It may seem that it doesn’t always go the way we want it to, but the one thing we can do, is make it the way we want it to be. It takes determination, a series of choices, motivation, time, effort and the input and interconnection with others and the world around us.
So, before you shout at someone you hold dear. Stop yourself and analyse why you’re doing it. Is it really their fault or are you trying to compensate for something missing within yourself?
May you always have peace and love in your life. God Bless you all.
Venerina
Wednesday 29 September 2010
I pray for a world where there may be peace
Some of my thoughts coupled together with some of my photography.
Sunday 8 August 2010
Cyclothymia. What it is and how to deal with it.
When a friend contacted me; asking me to investigate Cyclothymia, I had no idea what to expect. I’d vaguely heard of the condition and knew it related to a mood disorder; comprising highs and lows, but I never appreciated the severity of its symptoms, nor that it could lead to suicide. Least of all did I appreciate that it can be a hereditary condition.
We live and learn. So, I’m here today with a new report about the condition called Cyclothymia for those who, like me, vaguely know about it, yet don’t know enough about it.
Cyclothymia apparently affects 0,4 to 1% of the population. It can affect men and women in equal proportions, and it generally starts in the teen years or the early twenties. There is evidence to suggest that genetics play a role in Cyclothymia. In fact, people with a family history of the bipolar condition, suicide, depression, alcohol or drug dependency are prime Cyclothymia candidates.
Just as with the bipolar condition, Cyclothymia sufferers have mood swings that go from hypomania to manic depression. These extremes in mood changes disrupt a person’s life, relationships, eating habits, sleeping patterns and put their safety at risk.
While a cyclothymic person is in a hypo-maniac mood they may be very cheerful and loving towards their partner, spouse, family etc. However, they can be very thoughtless because their actions become aggressive and rapid. They seem to move at a faster pace than the rest of the world. Hence, they get impatient and inconsiderate. They will barely sleep. They lose the ability to concentrate for too long and they become easily distracted.
At the opposite spectrum, while they’re in a manic depressive mood, they will reject all emotions and push away all loved ones. Most of the time they will even have a job to pull themselves out of bed in the morning. They will constantly feel sad, hopeless, helpless, apathetic and be irritable. They may even withdraw socially and have suicidal tendencies.
The problem for most sufferers is that even they don’t quite know what mood to expect on which day. I should say here that this condition isn’t diagnosed lightly.
To determine whether a person is cyclothymic or not, they have to have suffered definite mood swings, adhering to a specific set of guidelines, for two years with a symptom free period no greater than two months in between.
If a person didn’t meet the criteria outlined for determining Cyclothymia sufferers, they would just be considered bipolar in nature, and of course that’s a whole new discussion because there is bipolar I and bipolar II; depending on symptoms.
Apparently but probably not surprisingly, there is little research about treatments available for cyclothymic sufferers. I found general recommendations for mood stabilizers, (lithium based,) which I wouldn’t give my worst enemy; since lithium is toxic to the human body; antidepressants used for treating the bipolar I condition.
Personally, I would recommend psychotherapy, psychology, behavioural modification therapy, lifestyle and diet modification therapy. I would recommend giving up immediately any kind of alcohol or drug intake as these already cause alterations in moods and personality changes. Of course, these courses of action require more effort on the sufferer's part, but in the long run they educate the person, with the condition, to better manage it and catch each mood on the on-start. Antidepressants only suppress the symptoms. They don’t get to the root causes and anything that contains lithium or any abstract thereof is a poison in the human body, which causes more harm than the condition itself; if managed properly.
The other plus side to psychotherapy and suchlike is that it offers family and loved ones counselling sessions. Therefore, it provides a support system for and around the sufferer.
As a qualified Holistic Health Therapist, I would also suggest burning a few drops of lavender oil mixed with water in a burner, around the home; during times of hypomania - to soothe the sufferer’s senses. Lavender is very balancing and calming.
Similarly, during a time of manic depression, a few drops of essential lemon or tangerine or a similar citrus oil burnt in the same way, scenting the home, would be uplifting to the senses.
I would also be inclined to recommend a lighter dietary consumption during times of depression so that food metabolism requires less energy and all surplus energy can be redirected to the rest of the body.
Similarly, during times of hypomania, it is recommendable to eat slightly more to slow the rest of the body’s processes down by redirecting most of the energy to the digestive processes.
I hope this helps.
Further Reading:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia
http://www.mcmanweb.com/cyclothymia.html
http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-md03.html
We live and learn. So, I’m here today with a new report about the condition called Cyclothymia for those who, like me, vaguely know about it, yet don’t know enough about it.
Cyclothymia apparently affects 0,4 to 1% of the population. It can affect men and women in equal proportions, and it generally starts in the teen years or the early twenties. There is evidence to suggest that genetics play a role in Cyclothymia. In fact, people with a family history of the bipolar condition, suicide, depression, alcohol or drug dependency are prime Cyclothymia candidates.
Just as with the bipolar condition, Cyclothymia sufferers have mood swings that go from hypomania to manic depression. These extremes in mood changes disrupt a person’s life, relationships, eating habits, sleeping patterns and put their safety at risk.
While a cyclothymic person is in a hypo-maniac mood they may be very cheerful and loving towards their partner, spouse, family etc. However, they can be very thoughtless because their actions become aggressive and rapid. They seem to move at a faster pace than the rest of the world. Hence, they get impatient and inconsiderate. They will barely sleep. They lose the ability to concentrate for too long and they become easily distracted.
At the opposite spectrum, while they’re in a manic depressive mood, they will reject all emotions and push away all loved ones. Most of the time they will even have a job to pull themselves out of bed in the morning. They will constantly feel sad, hopeless, helpless, apathetic and be irritable. They may even withdraw socially and have suicidal tendencies.
The problem for most sufferers is that even they don’t quite know what mood to expect on which day. I should say here that this condition isn’t diagnosed lightly.
To determine whether a person is cyclothymic or not, they have to have suffered definite mood swings, adhering to a specific set of guidelines, for two years with a symptom free period no greater than two months in between.
If a person didn’t meet the criteria outlined for determining Cyclothymia sufferers, they would just be considered bipolar in nature, and of course that’s a whole new discussion because there is bipolar I and bipolar II; depending on symptoms.
Apparently but probably not surprisingly, there is little research about treatments available for cyclothymic sufferers. I found general recommendations for mood stabilizers, (lithium based,) which I wouldn’t give my worst enemy; since lithium is toxic to the human body; antidepressants used for treating the bipolar I condition.
Personally, I would recommend psychotherapy, psychology, behavioural modification therapy, lifestyle and diet modification therapy. I would recommend giving up immediately any kind of alcohol or drug intake as these already cause alterations in moods and personality changes. Of course, these courses of action require more effort on the sufferer's part, but in the long run they educate the person, with the condition, to better manage it and catch each mood on the on-start. Antidepressants only suppress the symptoms. They don’t get to the root causes and anything that contains lithium or any abstract thereof is a poison in the human body, which causes more harm than the condition itself; if managed properly.
The other plus side to psychotherapy and suchlike is that it offers family and loved ones counselling sessions. Therefore, it provides a support system for and around the sufferer.
As a qualified Holistic Health Therapist, I would also suggest burning a few drops of lavender oil mixed with water in a burner, around the home; during times of hypomania - to soothe the sufferer’s senses. Lavender is very balancing and calming.
Similarly, during a time of manic depression, a few drops of essential lemon or tangerine or a similar citrus oil burnt in the same way, scenting the home, would be uplifting to the senses.
I would also be inclined to recommend a lighter dietary consumption during times of depression so that food metabolism requires less energy and all surplus energy can be redirected to the rest of the body.
Similarly, during times of hypomania, it is recommendable to eat slightly more to slow the rest of the body’s processes down by redirecting most of the energy to the digestive processes.
I hope this helps.
Further Reading:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia
http://www.mcmanweb.com/cyclothymia.html
http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-md03.html
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