Don't stop fighting

Today, I got a message from a person I consider to be very beautiful, smart, funny and one of life’s great survivors; telling me they wanted to end their life. Whether it was a genuine threat, or a cry for help, I don’t know... but I’m very hardcore when it comes to issues like this. I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic or cold, because I’m not. I know the person in question will read this.

I understand depression. I understand wanting to end it all and take an exit card. I’ve been there. I’ve been to the darkest corners of me and the bottom of the pit more times than I care to remember.

The latest being, and those who know the story, will know that I wanted to give my life to save that of a person who was the world to me; a sister and a friend. I would pray every day, to whoever was listening, that she recovered and that I should get sick in her place, but it doesn’t work like that.

When she died, at the age of 33, a part of me died too. I lost interest in every aspect of living. I was a walking dead person. I quit my life, stopped singing, stopped practicing natural medicine, moved country and started over again from nothing. Yet, nothing helped. Five years on, it is still the hardest thing I’m having to deal with. It was especially painful for me because I did die after I fell 200 meters off a mountain. To this day, nobody knows how I came back to life. There is no rhyme or reason of why I survived.

Life seemed very unfair that a mother of two beautiful girls should be taken from this world, when me, a single young woman should still be alive. I even blamed myself for her passing, because for all that I’m a trained healer and for all the successful healing I’ve administered to other people, I couldn’t save the one person I desperately wanted to. She turned to me and I let her down. I failed her.

After she died, I went through all the phases of sadness, numbness, anger, resentment, self hatred, self pity, tiredness and so much more. Yet, the truth, as horrible as it is to accept, is that I couldn’t save her. We are all given a certain amount of time on this planet and, as much as I’d like to be, I am no kind of God. I can’t cure everyone.

Amid the inner turmoil and ugliness that came to the surface, after my friend’s death, I even had to ask myself honestly: “At what point does the grieving become about me and not truly about the lost loved one?”

Yet, despite everything life has thrown at me, and trust me, there’s been plenty of it, I understand one thing very clearly. I am still here for a purpose and that purpose goes way beyond any desires I may have for my life. It goes beyond my very existence as I “think” it should be. That goes for everyone else too. We are all here for a purpose far greater than just ourselves. We all need one another. We influence one another in ways we don’t even know. We’re all links in a chain. We hold each other together.

Personally, I don’t feel that life is difficult nor do I feel that it’s easy, but, one thing is certain, it is exactly what we make of it. We choose how to deal with life’s events. We decide how to react. Our thoughts mould our actions and our actions create our life. We choose how much importance, or not, to give to situations and people.

After travelling so much around the world and volunteering in so many countries under some of the saddest circumstances, I strongly believe that to be alive is such a privilege. To be a human being and to be alive is an enormous privilege because we have every opportunity in the world before us. The possibilities are infinite. The only limiting factor is our own imagination. I also feel that in the western world we are privileged beyond belief compared to our brothers and sisters in the orient.

I also know that if I had taken my life when I was tired of fighting, I would never have been able to make a tiny difference in the lives of so many people around the world. If I do nothing else with my life, at least I know what my purpose here is, and honestly speaking, the only thing that still makes me get out of bed in the mornings, and be grateful to still be alive, is knowing that I can make that difference in the life of someone and that I can gift them with a little moment of happiness.

You’re tired of fighting? - Many people would still love to be alive to fight. Every day people are dyeing of something and I bet they wished they could still have another day to fight. Many other people are tired too but they don’t give up. They don’t quit and you are not a quitter. You just need to find your purpose. You need to find that one reason for getting up in the morning and to continue fighting every day.

Life is short enough and no, it might not be easy but you just need to take baby steps - one at a time. Bravely and boldly, and if you fall, so what? The important thing is to keep trying.

Don't shout!

Often in life people shout at others for no apparent reason what so ever other than their own insecurities and frustrations. These could be anything from feelings of low self-esteem: “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never make it” and so on; to a lack of a sense of personal and professional achievement and job satisfaction.

It can be particularly frustrating when both our professional and personal life are out of balance or when we feel others collide too much with our world.

I think we all take our frustrations out on someone near and dear to us at some point in life. We basically use someone else as an emotional punching bag. The sad thing is that most of the time, we don’t even know we’re doing it.

It’s only when we’re on the receiving end or when we take a step back and reflect on our behaviour, that we realise how it feels. By then the damage is done though.

Instead of getting to the point where we lash out at an innocent bystander in our life, we should analyse ourselves, what we think our shortcomings are and our behavioral responses.

First of all, we should learn to worry less about what people think about us. We don’t need to validate who we are in comparison to others. Everyone on this planet is an individual human being with a personality and character of their own. It's not always necessary to fit in. After all, if we were all the same there would be no diversity and, quite frankly, I think the world would be a boring place.

There are people in this world who are different, they don’t conform to social norm expectations and I believe they should remain different. Their differences are what separate them from generality and the masses. Also, there is no right or wrong way to be. The point of life is to be happy and that includes being comfortable with all our differences in comparison to others.  

I’m also a great believer that people should worry less about what they call their
shortcomings and what they think they have, or do not have, to offer. As long as someone is alive, they certainly have something to offer. Perhaps, a shift in perspective is needed in order to appreciate one’s own qualities rather than one’s material possessions. This is where self-esteem and self-respect come into play.

Another fundamental issue to remember is that everything happens for a reason. So, whatever is happening in one’s life right now is there for a purpose. We just need to learn to see the purpose. We need to be able to appreciate the learning opportunity every challenge provides us with. We need to learn that lesson as quickly as possible and move on.

Most importantly, we need to learn to let go more. We need to let it all go; all the baggage and resentment from the past serves no purpose in our memories; except occupying good space that could be filled with positive change and an optimistic outlook towards the future. We need to keep moving forward with your eyes a little more open; our minds a little wiser and hearts filled with peace.
Nothing that we consider bad happens for a bad reason, but we need to see the positive side instead of persistently focusing on the negative aspects.

We need to forgive ourselves and others for whatever has gone before, and let go of the past. Built up guilt, anger, resentment and dare I say jealousy are all negative
qualities that hold us back in life. Generally, they spring from things we've done that we're not proud of or that we’re ashamed of. Instead of accepting them as an integrated part of who we are and regarding them as another opportunity to know and love ourselves; flaws included, we turn against ourselves.

We start a cycle of self-loathing and self-depreciation, which in turn, over a long period of time, turns into lack of self-esteem and lack of self-respect. We become our own worst enemy. We no longer have a good relationship with ourselves nor with others. Hence, from there on in, we begin to think that life is taking a downhill slide and that everything is going wrong. It’s not life though. It’s our attitude towards it.

Life and it’s journey are not consistent by nature. They are subject to change and many unstable factors. It may seem that it doesn’t always go the way we want it to, but the one thing we can do, is make it the way we want it to be. It takes determination, a series of choices, motivation, time, effort and the input and interconnection with others and the world around us.

So, before you shout at someone you hold dear. Stop yourself and analyse why you’re doing it. Is it really their fault or are you trying to compensate for something missing within yourself?

May you always have peace and love in your life. God Bless you all.

Venerina