Dear You ...

Dear You, 

 

I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I know what you’re going through. The pain you’re feeling right now is the same pain I’ve felt. I’ve been where you are and I’ve felt the deepest sorrow a human being can feel. The only thing worse than losing a loved one is losing a loved one to cancer at a very tender age. 

 

I know how empty you feel right now and how the world makes no sense any more. I know that feeling of being dead inside as if someone ripped your heart out and left you numb. I know how it feels to be plodding along aimlessly through life without really being present. 

 

I lost a lifelong friend to cancer before she made it to the age of 34. She struggled for two long, hard, years with cancer before her frail body gave up the fight. I watched her decline from the vibrant human being she was to a bed ridden shell of her former self. 

 

All I could do was standby and watch as the disease slowly took all the life out of her. I felt helpless. I didn’t want to lose her but I didn’t know how to save her and after she departed this world to start the next phase of her journey, I felt guilt. I felt like I should have done more for her. I kept questioning whether I did everything I could have possibly done and I beat myself up over it every day for three years following her passing. 

 

I couldn’t and wouldn’t accept the inevitable of her condition and hindsight is a wonderful thing. There was nothing I could do for her except be there for her and love her the way I always had. I know now that I couldn’t have saved her. Unfortunately, I don’t get to decide who lives and who dies.

I know, that like me, you’re going through the mourning process and it will take time to heal. You should take all the time you need. Everyone mourns in their own way and for as long as they need to but, I want you to remember one thing. Love is all that really matters. 

 

Your loved one, just like mine, wouldn’t want you to suffer the pain you’re feeling. I’m sure they’d want you to live your life and make the most of every precious moment. 

 

It’s taken me a long time to realize that life is about cycles and death doesn’t mean the end. It’s just another cycle and within life itself, from the moment we’re born, every hello must end in goodbye. The only thing that keeps us bound, throughout all cycles, is our love for one another. Every moment we share together and every memory we create is a precious gift to be treasured and looked back upon with the same love and happiness we felt at the time of creation. 

 

With every encounter, our lives are enriched. We all touch each other in some way and we learn from one another. Instead of mourning our loss, we should celebrate what we have gained. We are all very fortunate to share our lives with one another in whatever capacity and we are all blessed to know love and share it with others. 

 

I know that, right now, this letter is probably of no real consolation to you but one day you will see the world, once again, as a beautiful place. One day, you’ll feel your loved one, once again, smiling at you from wherever they are and, once again, you’ll start living in the knowledge that only love matters.

For Kindle - Cannabis and Healing

The healing properties of Cannabis and why the pharmaceutical companies don't want you to know.

CANNABIS AND HEALING

My New Book

My new book ***

So, finally, the first in a series of healing books ...

*** On the 9th June 2016, I will be releasing my new book - ***Cannabis and Healing*** to mark the birthday, and in honour of, my beloved friend and adopted sister, Linsey Dagger, who died of cancer in 2010 aged 33. If only I had known then what I know now... but then, every loss has a reason for being. Hers was to keep me firmly on the path of natural medicine.

I know it's been a while since I wrote anything really worthwhile but many of you may be happy to know that I still continue to, quietly, research and practice Naturopathy and Holistic Healing with my clients. 

Those, of you, who really know me also know my stand against corporate pharmaceutical companies with agendas, and that doesn't fade. So, naturally, my book is not without a touch of activism. Healing is available everywhere in nature, we just need to know where to look and how to use the beneficial properties each plant holds.

When I've finished editing it, I will post a short extract as a teaser.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me, sent me articles, testimonials and inspired me in whatever ways. My love to you

Perhaps we should try something different

I’ve been attacked and bullied recently for my controversial posts surrounding the mysterious, and very probably, false flag events that took place in Paris. Although it hurts, luckily I’m wise enough to understand that people have a tendency to lash out in fear and when they feel helpless. 

It would be very easy for me to sit back like many others, enjoy my quiet life, not worry too much about anything that doesn’t directly affect me, turn a blind eye or, even worse, live in denial or not give a toss. After all, why on earth would I want to put myself in the firing line for being hurt or bullied?

Well, it’s very simple ... because, I care.

Over the long number of years I’ve been on social media and travelling around the world, I’ve met hundreds of thousands of people and I’ve seen a lot of you grow up, get married and have children of your own. Some of you have beautiful grandchildren. I care about you and I care about them. I care about what kind of world we’re leaving for the future. I care about what happens to our planet. 

 

So, I will take the pain and lashings you wish to throw at me but I will NOT apologise for standing up for humanity and I, certainly, will NOT apologise for posting what I feel is closer to the truth than what the mainstream media is telling us. 

 

What has baffled me is, I have also been accused of “protecting evil.” I have yet to understand why. Perhaps it’s because I felt the same sadness and compassion for the deaths sustained in the Lebanon attacks as I did for France and, also, for the ongoing struggle the Syrian people are facing. 

 

In my eyes, we’re all children of the same source. There is only one source we come from and one thing alone that creates us and brings us into being. Realistically, our mother is responsible for bringing us into this world. The energy/soul/prana - whatever you want to call it, comes from the Universe. You can call the original source of our being whatever you like. Quite frankly, it’s indifferent to me because it would never stop me from respecting you or liking you as a person. Personally, I choose to call it love because it is an act of love that brings us into being. 

 

I don’t care what your nationality is. It’s a label given by a system that sees the NEED to identify you. I don’t care what your religion is. Religion does not define a person. A person is defined by their deeds in the world. You’re either a good person or you’re not. I choose to believe that people are fundamentally good. Of course, there are crackpots out there, that we label as terrorists, but they certainly are not acting in accordance with any religion. 

 

The KKK slaughtered people because of the colour of their skin. Do they represent Christianism? I don’t think so. They certainly don’t represent any Christians I know. The crusaders slaughtered thousands, do they represent Catholics? I don’t think so - not the ones I know. Buddhists are killing Muslims, do they represent Buddhism? Well, certainly not the kind of Buddhism I have been taught nor the Buddhists I know. 

 

In this aftermath of Paris and Lebanon, the good people of the world should be coming together stronger than ever. Instead, we’re already seeing businesses refusing to allow Muslim clients into their premises. We’re seeing taunting and provocations. 

 

I understand that fear motivates people to behave in ways that would not ordinarily be a part of their character. Events like this bring the best and the worst out in people. Yet, this is exactly what governments want. They want to create a divide between us. They want our blood boiling and our hatred flowing because it gives them free reign to do what the hell they want to. They don’t need our permission to bomb Syria again because they know that while we’re outraged, we’ll delight in any hostile action because they lead us into a false sense of security; making us think everything will be ok. It won’t, and we’re foolish to believe it will. 

 

All these attacks will do is create a cold hard line between NATO and the Shanghai cooperation, between Muslims and the rest of the world, between those of us who believe there is another way and those who are seeking revenge with further bloodshed. 

 

People, who under normal circumstances, would get along, already find themselves bickering and fighting and taking sides. Friendships are being put to the test. People are having to apologise for their ideologies. 

 

Let’s not forget here that, ideologies are just that - ideas - They are about as permanent as clouds passing in the sky. Similarly, allegiances around the world will change depending on who has more power, more money and more weapons. Economics and resources will dictate who has the upper hand. 

 

If we, as human beings, cannot stand together at a time like this, on the basis of who we are as individuals living in a collective, interdependent and interconnected global society then there will be no hope left. We will enter into a third world war. Is that what you really want for your children and grandchildren? 

 

We must, especially now, remember that terrorists are just that - terrorists - They are not acting in the name of any religious order. They are acting on behalf of crackpots who are in this for their own personal gain and glory. Most of these terrorists are contracted mercenaries. They have no loyalties to anyone except themselves and money. 

 

Have you ever been to Turkey? Tunisia? Egypt? Morocco? Dubai? Jordan? Abu Dhabi? Sharjah? or any other Muslim country on holiday? If you have, then you know that these terrorists are NOT representing Islam nor Muslims. In fact, I know that many of my closer friends among you enjoyed your holiday, found the hospitality impeccable and couldn’t wait to go back. So, please, don’t let these staged events in Paris cloud your judgment. 

 

Now, more than ever, we need to stand together simply as people who want to have a quiet life and watch our families and friends be happy. Hatred and violence only causes more of the same, and it’s clearly not working. Perhaps, this time, we the people should try something different.

Don't stop fighting

Today, I got a message from a person I consider to be very beautiful, smart, funny and one of life’s great survivors; telling me they wanted to end their life. Whether it was a genuine threat, or a cry for help, I don’t know... but I’m very hardcore when it comes to issues like this. I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic or cold, because I’m not. I know the person in question will read this.

I understand depression. I understand wanting to end it all and take an exit card. I’ve been there. I’ve been to the darkest corners of me and the bottom of the pit more times than I care to remember.

The latest being, and those who know the story, will know that I wanted to give my life to save that of a person who was the world to me; a sister and a friend. I would pray every day, to whoever was listening, that she recovered and that I should get sick in her place, but it doesn’t work like that.

When she died, at the age of 33, a part of me died too. I lost interest in every aspect of living. I was a walking dead person. I quit my life, stopped singing, stopped practicing natural medicine, moved country and started over again from nothing. Yet, nothing helped. Five years on, it is still the hardest thing I’m having to deal with. It was especially painful for me because I did die after I fell 200 meters off a mountain. To this day, nobody knows how I came back to life. There is no rhyme or reason of why I survived.

Life seemed very unfair that a mother of two beautiful girls should be taken from this world, when me, a single young woman should still be alive. I even blamed myself for her passing, because for all that I’m a trained healer and for all the successful healing I’ve administered to other people, I couldn’t save the one person I desperately wanted to. She turned to me and I let her down. I failed her.

After she died, I went through all the phases of sadness, numbness, anger, resentment, self hatred, self pity, tiredness and so much more. Yet, the truth, as horrible as it is to accept, is that I couldn’t save her. We are all given a certain amount of time on this planet and, as much as I’d like to be, I am no kind of God. I can’t cure everyone.

Amid the inner turmoil and ugliness that came to the surface, after my friend’s death, I even had to ask myself honestly: “At what point does the grieving become about me and not truly about the lost loved one?”

Yet, despite everything life has thrown at me, and trust me, there’s been plenty of it, I understand one thing very clearly. I am still here for a purpose and that purpose goes way beyond any desires I may have for my life. It goes beyond my very existence as I “think” it should be. That goes for everyone else too. We are all here for a purpose far greater than just ourselves. We all need one another. We influence one another in ways we don’t even know. We’re all links in a chain. We hold each other together.

Personally, I don’t feel that life is difficult nor do I feel that it’s easy, but, one thing is certain, it is exactly what we make of it. We choose how to deal with life’s events. We decide how to react. Our thoughts mould our actions and our actions create our life. We choose how much importance, or not, to give to situations and people.

After travelling so much around the world and volunteering in so many countries under some of the saddest circumstances, I strongly believe that to be alive is such a privilege. To be a human being and to be alive is an enormous privilege because we have every opportunity in the world before us. The possibilities are infinite. The only limiting factor is our own imagination. I also feel that in the western world we are privileged beyond belief compared to our brothers and sisters in the orient.

I also know that if I had taken my life when I was tired of fighting, I would never have been able to make a tiny difference in the lives of so many people around the world. If I do nothing else with my life, at least I know what my purpose here is, and honestly speaking, the only thing that still makes me get out of bed in the mornings, and be grateful to still be alive, is knowing that I can make that difference in the life of someone and that I can gift them with a little moment of happiness.

You’re tired of fighting? - Many people would still love to be alive to fight. Every day people are dyeing of something and I bet they wished they could still have another day to fight. Many other people are tired too but they don’t give up. They don’t quit and you are not a quitter. You just need to find your purpose. You need to find that one reason for getting up in the morning and to continue fighting every day.

Life is short enough and no, it might not be easy but you just need to take baby steps - one at a time. Bravely and boldly, and if you fall, so what? The important thing is to keep trying.